Easter✞

HAPPY EASTER!!!
It's always kind of bothered me that we don't have a special way to say "Happy Easter". Like "Merry Christmas". "Merry Easter" just sounds wrong.
And bunnies. Why bunnies?

But do you know what's more important?!?
Jesus.

I was going to have this whole long post about Lenten reflections, but then it was almost midnight and with only about 30 minutes of Lent left, I figured that it wasn't worth it. I also figured that you've had enough of my vague and deep ramblings. So instead I have something that is in no way vague and is straight to the point; a graph.

 

 

I can't measure the "amount of holiness" inside of me, but from what I can remember, it went something like this. Let's agree to ignore the first 3/4 of it. Now that last week- that was pretty fantastic.

I finally got myself to much-needed confession, was filled to the brim with awesome graces that made me feel finally close to God again, went to mass and stations, prayed, etc. The Triduum was pretty great too. I used to think that I had to be overwhelmed with intense emotions when thinking about anything related to Christ's Passion. But you don't, you just have to be there with Him, hold Him, wait for Him.

 

There's this image I've had in my mind over the past few weeks: walking the road to Calvary with Jesus, picking up my cross every day, and finally being worthy to die and rise with Him. Halfway though Lent, when I found myself not moving forward at all, I thought I wouldn't make it and that I'd be left behind. It wasn't until after He came back for me that I realized that I am and never will be worthy do die with Him. Even Peter, his right hand man, refused to be crucified the same way. It doesn't depend on if I'm worthy or not, it depend on if I'm willing to receive His mercy or not.

 

 

 

Easter, oh Easter. Is there really a certain way you're supposed to feel around Easter time? It's not warm and cozy like Christmas.

 

It's calm. The soft rain trickles onto the pavement. The green grass shoots up its roots inch by inch. The flowers open their buds and the degrees slowly rise. Everything is new.

There's joy. The joy of running into Christ's arms. Even just 3 days without Him is agonizing. His arms around you, relief flowing out of you from His embrace. Silence. Because no words need to be said between you. For my soul, being with Him is enough, and everything else is not enough.

 

 



Giving It Our All

In two weeks it will be Good Friday.
I had to say that a couple times until it sunk in.
Wow.

But it's not over yet!
This is the part of Lent were we've got to get it all we've got.

Once I ran a 5k. Just once (haha actually I've run a couple 5k's but I am in no way a runner). Anyways. I kept a steady pace most of the way. Had a cramp here, had to stop there, but kept going. Towards the end, I sprinted and pushed by body to the furthest it could go (which isn't necessarily very far. Like I said, I'm not a runner). But I ended up in 2nd place.

Now, anyone who has ever pushed themselves too far while running knows what tends to follow. But that's besides the point.

I am one of those people who let's themselves have a little reward on Sundays because going a whole week without whatever you gave up is hard. It should be.
I mentioned this to someone who generally doesn't really agree with Catholicism in general. Which includes not feeling the need to make a Lenten sacrifice. But she told me that I wasn't really getting the point. That if I was going to refuse to do this now but as soon as Sunday morning comes around jump on the opportunity, then it wasn't really a sacrifice.

My first reaction was that she needs to remove the log from her eye before trying to remove the splinter from mine. I see now that just thinking that probably means I'm the one with a log in my eye.
She made me think.

Our priest said in his homily today that we don't have enough time left to radically discipline or change ourselves. All we can do now is look within, into our hearts, and see what God has written there.

Sure, I've been making sacrifices these past 30-something days. I started out pretty strong. I've gotten shaky.
But I have two weeks. You have two weeks. We have two weeks.
Two weeks to suffer and be awesome and give it our all.
To actually take time to pray. To give someone a genuine smile when they're being really annoying. To do more homework when you just want to crawl in bed. To refuse temptations when they're waved in your face. To keep your mouth shut when you want attention or feel the need to be rude or gossip. To do little things with great love.

To see Christ in each person and treat them with the love you'd give to Him.

Jesus didn't enjoy suffering. He didn't necessarily want it. But He did want to save us from our sin. To obey. To love completely. To the end.
"I am troubled now. Yet what should I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'?... when I am lifted up from the earth I will draw everyone to myself."

What I Have to Offer

Hello you lovely people.

I don't believe in making excuses. But towards the end of last quarter I was so mentally drained that I couldn't really do anything but the bare minimum. I was holding on by a thread, counting the hours until Spring Break.

It's very inconvenient how Spring Break always falls right in the middle of Lent. On one hand, we are all in desperate need of some time to just be lazy, and on the other we know that we should be focusing on being penitent and growing in prayer and love for God.

There's no compromise. All or nothing.

But I'm not here to talk about my vacation or whether or not I have been good or bad or whatever.
Earlier today I was reflecting on the past week (which has been a great time) and I started wondering if I could have done more. If I could have gotten up early to pray a rosary instead of sleeping in. If I could have been a little less crazy and a better example. It was really getting to me, actually.

All the possibilities and chances not taken.

Obviously it was too late. I was too late. I had failed.

Often I have to stop myself when I find myself thinking like this and say to myself "Wait. Who exactly have you failed? Who set all these expectations that were not met?"

God doesn't set goals for us. He doesn't say that if we do this or that we'll be rewarded. He doesn't require anything from us. He just wants us.

Over the past few days I've been lost in myself and my experiences, but still I can point out a handful of moments that shine like stars though the darkness of everything the world has to offer. Moments where I offered my heart to God.
Small, instantaneous, and undeniably beautiful.
This is all I have to offer this week, and I know it's not enough, but nothing will ever be enough.

Lent is about the journey, and for me that's 49% me stumbling around and 51% Jesus dragging me back up again.
Sometimes we fall flat on our faces. It just so happens that this is the most humble place you can be, lying at His feet.

He pulls me up, embraces me, and we keep going.

Bring on the Suffering

We've made it guys!!! Finally, the first Sunday of Lent. (a.k.a. time for me to have chocolate and catch up on everything that's been going on in the internet). You'd be surprised what you can miss in less than a week.
Now that we've taken the first step, there's no going back. For me, it hasn't been that painful, which means I'm probably doing something wrong. Anyone can come up with an excuse for anything. I've been inching in, but it's time to jump in headfirst.

Something that I have done these past few days is fasting from music. I know, kind of weird. And considering that the only music I ever listen to is Christian music, there really isn't a need. It's not like I'm listening to all those horrible song lyric and letting them infiltrate my mind. Remember those Benedictine's album I mentioned? That's all I've been listening to. It's such a relief to plug in my headphones and immerse myself in the chanting as I work. And then Sunday comes around and I can enjoy my favorite Jesus Jams even more than I regularly would. The nun's songs are the constant simplicity that I have a feeling will carry me through this Lent.

I know it's lame to talk about the weather but it's the most interesting thing in my life right now. You see, down here in Texas if the temperature drops below 40 and it starts sprinkling, everything within a 100 mile radius shuts down. Completely. The grocery stores are wiped out and all flights are cancelled. I'm only slightly exaggerating. Slightly.
Which means, I don't have school tomorrow! A snow day without snow? We have a lot of those...

So for some encouragement and motivation as we face the first full week of Lent, I have some quotes/bible verses that I think are pretty great.

"As Lent is the time for greater love, listen to Jesus' thirst...'Repent and Believe" Jesus tells us. What are we to repent? Our indifference, our hardness of heart. What are we to believe? Jesus thirsts even now, in your heart and in the poor-- he knows your weakness, He wants only your love, wants only the chance to love you."

-Mother Teresa

 

"The most beautiful act of faith is the one made in darkness, in sacrifice, and with extreme effort."

-Padre Pio

 

"Be careful that your hearts do not become drowsy from the anxieties of this life, and that day catch you by surprise."

-I forgot to write down the verse number oops

 

 

I'm really looking forward to Easter. But even more than that, I'm looking forward to more suffering because more suffering means more love.
To choose all is to give all.

 





And to dust we shall return

So I was planning on writing a pre-Lenten reflection yesterday, but obviously that didn't happen.
AND NOW IT'S ASH WEDNESDAY CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW IT APPEARED SO QUICKLY?!?

I have to admit, Lent has always been really scary to me. Fasting, praying, it's all so pointless without love (which I didn't really have a lot of).
I didn't understand Lent. Lent is one of those things you have to understand in your heart. Even if you give up everything possible to give up without going crazy and you didn't do it out of love, it's completely pointless. It doesn't change you. It's a waste.

But if when you are tempted to break your Lenten fast or be lazy in your prayer life and instead you look up and say to God "no. I'm going to do this for You. You're more important." That's what Lent is all about.

I'm trying to keep this short and sweet because I wasn't really planning on blogging during Lent. Maybe on Sundays. I think that sounds like a good plan.


But before I go, I want to give you three little things that have already made the start to my Lent pretty great.

1) Lent at Ephesus- Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles.
This CD can be purchased for about $12 off iTunes, and it is definitely worth it. I've been listening to it (literally) non-stop all afternoon while I do my homework. Basically, these awesome contemplative nuns are so awesome that people wanted to make their music available to the public so that we could all know what it is like to be in their chapel. And it is soooooo beautiful!!!!
I mean, come on. Nuns + Lent= Awesome Lent

2) Stations of the Cross
At my old school on every Friday of Lent, we would get together and pray the Stations of the Cross in our beautiful church. In high school, however we don't have the time and space to do that.
So I came up with an alternative.
I cut out these tiny and beautiful pictures of each station and put them around my room. Now every Friday I can walk around my room and pray. And seeing them each day is a nice reminder of how much Christ suffered out of love for us and that now it's our turn to suffer for Him.

3) Veggie Tales!!!!!!!
I used to love Veggie Tales so much when I was a kid. I have fond memories of learning about the wall of Jericho and singing along to the song "I don't got no belly button".
In the society we're living in, most of the t.v. shows meant to be watched by teens are just about sarcasm, sex, and selfishness. It's horrible. I do have a few shows that I really enjoy watching that don't lay it on heavy, but this Lent I'm going to enjoy myself and watch some old Veggie Tales classics when I'm bored instead of any old show on Netflix.

And if you were wondering, the title of this post doesn't really have anything to do with what I just wrote. I just thought it sounded cool.

Man Crush Monday (Catholic Version)

I can't help myself from falling in love with just about every saint whose biography I read, even if it is just a paragraph.
But every once and a while, I come across one who is special.
I know they're special because I feel like I know them, like I could talk to them just as if they were next to me.
Of course, it does help to be able to read their personal writings.
Most of the time these saints I find are widely known and loved, and I have to remind myself that they aren't exclusively for me, that such wonderful people must be shared.

My latest fascination is different than the usual adolescent girl type that I'm normally drawn to (Therese, Maria Goretti, Chiara Luce).
He is a boy.
The only other male saint who I've ever felt drawn to have a devotion to is JPII (and Jesus, but that's a different type of relationship altogether).

My latest obsession is no less than Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati
a.k.a. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frahottie ;)

Yes, he is a very attractive young Catholic man. There is no denying that.
But more importantly is who he was and how he lived.

I'm not going to give you a biography because I still need to read a complete one myself, but I will give you a couple incidents that I feel makes him seem so real.

Bl. Frassati's father was not a man of faith. In fact, he could be considered an atheist. He didn't understand or approve of his son's love of the Church and of Christ.
Knowing this helps me to know that even when those close to me don't get why I love Jesus so much, I shouldn't worry about what they think of me, only of what God thinks of me.

Bl. Frassati liked to have fun. He would go to parties and gamble and have fun with his friends. There was one point when he was playing a game of poker or pool or something and one of his friends asked him what he would do if he knew that the world would end very soon.
He told his friend that he would go along playing the game because God could see how perfectly content and joyful he was in that moment and wouldn't want it to be any different.
(keep in mind that I'm paraphrasing.)

When he lost bets to his friends, he would pay them what he owed, seeing as he came from a wealthy family but had no problem giving it all away.
When his friends lost bets to him, however, he would force them to go to mass or adoration with him. He would be reverently praying in a pew and his friends would be asleep in the back of the Church.

Pier and his friends formed a society purely for the purpose of playing practical jokes on people, like messing up the sheets on a priest friend's bed so that he couldn't put his feet all the way down.

Bl. Frassati loved the outdoors and the feel of the sun on his face and blood pumping through his veins.
He loved laughing out of pure joy and spending time with people who made him happy.
He loved giving all that he had away, and this eventually led him to die at the age of 24 of polio which he probably contracted from the poor he served.

Bl. Frassati lived. He lived life to the fullest and never looked back.
I ask for his intercession that I (and also whoever is reading this) could be as brave as he was and truly be who we were made to be.

And in the words of Bl. Frassati himself,

Verso L'Alto

"To the heights"

Becoming a Morning Person

Before I begin, let me make this clear: I have never been and never will be a person who functions best before noon.

The alarm went off at 6 o'clock, and the soft melody to Audrey Assad's "Restless" snuck into my dreams before I realized that it wasn't just in my head. I faintly remember muttering no more than the first third of the Angelus before drifting off again.


Finally at 6:45 I managed to drag myself out of bed, put my cold feet on the ground, pull out my phone and pray Lauds, or the morning prayer of the Church, from my Laudate app.
The repetitive chanting of the words is just what my lazy brain needs when it wants to sleep for another twelve hours. I'm not awake enough to come up with such beautiful words myself to set myself on the right path for the rest of the day.
The short reading is always on point- or maybe I think it's really philosophical because I'm still so tired. And the petitions are beyond beautiful:

"Every day is proof of your love: as you bring us this new day, make us new in mind and heart."
"May our lives today be filled with your compassion; give us the spirit of forgiveness and a generous heart."

And the closing prayer- "The Lord bless us, and keep us from all evil, and bring us to everlasting life."
Morning prayer is just what I need to hold my life together.


Now that I was slightly more awake, I was able to lift my heart to the heavens and recite the lyrics of one of my favorite songs right now: "Love Came Down"
"If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice, I'll hold on to what is true though I cannot see. If the storms of life they come, and the road ahead gets steep, I will life these hands in praise; I will believe.
I'll remind myself of all that You've done and the life I had because of Your Son.
Love came down and rescued me, Love came down and set me free,
and I am Yours, I am forever Yours."

I also felt very fancy and sophisticated this morning as I relaxed while eating my delicious bowl of oatmeal with plenty of brown sugar and a nice cup of English Breakfast tea. Yum. It would have been the perfect time to read a couple pages of The Story of a Soul.

As my mom pulled out of the driveway to take me to school, I glanced up at the sky and gasped in wonder and awe at the sky above me. Clouds are always prettiest at dawn and at dusk. And today they were magnificent.
I could hear so clearly Jesus taking me by the hand and saying "see how much I love you?"

Now you may be thinking that my morning could not get any better than this. But you're wrong.
I had theology first period, and my teacher announced that we were going to daily mass in the chapel.
My heart started racing in my chest, I was so excited. I couldn't believe my luck.
*correction: I couldn't believe that the Holy Spirit was being so good to me*


When I got home from school, I went outside and sat down in our hammock to reflect on how awesome the day had been and to relax. It was the perfect time to pray the rosary, so I did. The sky was blue, birds were chirping, the trees were swaying in the wind, and my brothers were having fun playing soccer. All was right in the world.
(and if you were wondering, yes I live in Texas so we're enjoying wonderful weather as opposed to all that snow up north).

This put the in the perfect mood to be a productive person for once, and the result is that my room is more clean than it has been in at least a month. And I got some homework done even though I don't have classes tomorrow. 
And now I get to enjoy myself and read and write and pray and eat puppy chow while sitting on my comfy bed and I am happy :)


Today has been the best day I've had in a long time.
On a scale of 1-10, it was probably an 8. I'm saving my 9 for the Best Day Ever. And 10 for Heaven of course.
And it all started with taking the time this morning to find my inner peace, joy, and thankfulness and to appreciate the beauty of the day lying before me. I should try it more often.

Just to close this very, very long blog post, I want to leave you awesome person with a couple verses from the book of Proverbs that I flipped open to between cleaning and doing homework. My favorite are the last two lines. Very deep.

Proverbs 16: 1-9
"Plans are made in human hearts,
but from the Lord comes the tongue's response.
All one's ways are pure in one's own eyes,
but the measurer of motives is the Lord.
Entrust your works to the Lord,
and your plans with succeed.
The Lord has made everything for a purpose,
even the wicked for the evil day.
Every proud heart is an abomination to the Lord;
be assured that none will go unpunished.
By steadfast loyalty guilt is expiated,
and by fear of the Lord evil is avoided.
When the Lord is pleased with someone's ways,
he makes even enemies be at peace with them.
Better a little with justice,
than a large income with injustice.
The human heart plans the way,
but the Lord directs the steps."