Jesus is my only friend

For anyone who didn't know, yesterday was the Feast of Corpus Christi where all us Catholics celebrate the fact that Jesus is TRULY AND ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY PRESENT IN THE EUCHARIST. Yep, that's right. It's awesome.

To celebrate, my parish had a vigil of adoration for the entire night, and I was lucky enough for the first hour with my youth group. That being said, my youth leader unfortunately didn't really advertise it much and I was one of the only ones there.

I was reminded of something St. Therese wrote in her autobiography Story of a Soul that has really stuck with me. She wrote:

"No one paid any attention to me, and I would go up to the choir of the chapel and remain before the Blessed Sacrament until the moment when Papa came to get me. This was my only consolation, for was not Jesus my only Friend? I knew how to speak to Him; conversations with creatures, even pious conversations, fatigued my soul. I felt it was far more valuable to speak to God than to speak about Him..."

That quote really spoke to me. I felt a connection to St. Therese, sitting there in the Church with not a lot of other youth around me.

I talked to Jesus a lot that night. There were a lot of things in my life that needed to be sorted out and talked through with Him, and I left with a much stronger sense of how my life is going. The next morning in mass I felt so much closer to Him too. I love spending time with Jesus. I just want to spend time with Him forever. Oh wait, that's heaven :)

Maybe I was exaggerating when I said Jesus is my only friend. But He's probably my best friend. I have other friends, and I do have someone who I consider to be my best friend. But at the end of the day, it's always going to come down to Him. He's forever and everything else is temporary.

Summer!!!

After weeks (or months) of craziness and work and stress, the long awaited days of complete freedom and laziness are here!!!

 

Ok I have a confession to make. I've been on summer break for a week now. I promised myself that I'd finally blog again as soon as school got out, but that didn't happen. When you stop doing something it can take a little bit to start again. But I'm back! Two months later, but I'm back.

I'm only one week in and I don't really know what to do with myself. When I'm asleep (or half asleep and lying in bed) I want to get up and be active and productive. When I'm awake I just want to sleep. I am a teenage after all. I'm pretty sure that I've more than made up for the hours of sleep I missed studying for finals.

I guess that's really why I'm writing this. To prove to myself that I am making use of the time I have to do whatever I want. I don't have a lot to share about my faith at the moment. I hate to say it but if I said anything else it wouldn't really be the truth. My faith kind of got put on hold these past few weeks. School and my social life shouldn't be the most important thing in my life, but it can be a slippery slope. Don't worry, I'm getting myself back on track for a awesome and God-filled summer.

However, I do have a few little things to share that I've spent a while thinking about this summer.

1. Music
A friend introduced me to the world of Spotify and since then I've been working on my own Indie-acoustic playlist. No, it's not Jesus Jams but it's the next best thing. Here's a few of my favorites:
          "Awake My Soul"- Mumford and Sons (this one is really good)
          "New Slang"- The Shins
          "Mountain Sound"- Of Monsters and Men
          "Wings"- Birdy
          "Photograph"- Ed Sheeran

2. Art
Art is one of my favorite things to do. Or draw. I decided to turn the rest of my English notebook into a sketchbook to fill this summer. It's coming along nicely. Doodling (or copying off of Pintrest) is very relaxing, and I would highly recommend it if you're ever bored.

p.s. those pictures aren't things I've drawn, just things I use for "inspiration" ;)

3. Books
I haven't exactly spent as much time reading this week as I would like to (too much time sleeping I guess). This may be because the humongous list of books I have to read is a little overwhelming. They aren't even required, I just want to read them for fun. It's amazing what a difference one hour of quiet reading can make. It can change your whole day. In summer when my days don't really consist of anything, reading can be very important.
I would give you a list of the books I want to read, but it's very vague and I honestly don't have one. Instead enjoy these nice pictures of books.

 

 

 

 

Divine Mercy Sunday

Happy Divine Mercy Sunday everyone!!!
Never mind the fact that it was actually yesterday. A ton of things came up last night right when I was originally planning on writing this. So this is as good as we're going to get.

I posted a you tube video the other day titled "Easter and Books!". Well, it was titled something else first and then I changed it to be more relevant. But you get the idea.
Here's the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMODBXbVxYE
I mentioned six books I've bought recently (If you'd like to know the titles, check the description box of the video), one of which was  Divine Mercy in My Soul by St. Faustina Kowalska. a.k.a. the young polish nun who Jesus chose to spread the Divine Mercy message to the whole world. Basically, it's her diary where she recorded everything Jesus told her.

I'm sure that most the people reading this know all about that, so I'm not going to go into the history of it. However, I would like to share my experience with the Divine Mercy Novena leading up to Divine Mercy Sunday.
This year was the first year I've prayed it, much thanks to praymorenovenas.com. It started on Good Friday and concluded on the seventh day of the octave of Easter (Saturday).

It. Was. Amazing.

Normally when I see in my inbox that there's a new novena coming up, I have to come up with some random intention to pray for. With this novena, there's a specific intention  included every day. With each day of the novena, you immerse certain souls in the sea of God's mercy and draw them into Christ's most compassionate heart- from religious to unbelievers to lukewarm followers.
There's almost nothing more awesome than that.
It was so calming- a spiritual peace would come into my soul as I said the first words of the novena each time. And praying the Divine Mercy Novena for nine days straight really made me aware of how praying for mercy for yourself and others gives us humility and allows us to be more patient and merciful ourselves.

I'm only 50 pages into St. Faustina's Diary, and already highlighting and notes can be seen on almost every page. It can be very random- a description of a trip to a shrine in one entry and then a deep reflection on forgiveness and tons of other mind-blowing things that only the Holy Spirit could have inspired.
Just as Jesus promised St. Faustina that she would receive many graces, so can we receive graces just from reading His message through her words.
I would highly recommend getting a copy if you're interested.

Divine Mercy is a devotion that every Catholic can fall in love with- especially with the Year of Mercy coming up.
It has already helped me have a stronger faith and prayer life, and it's only been a little over a week.
I can't wait to read even more and become more devoted to our Lord's mercy!

May you be constantly reminded of how much God loves you and that His mercy is unconditional no matter what happens in your life.

Easter✞

HAPPY EASTER!!!
It's always kind of bothered me that we don't have a special way to say "Happy Easter". Like "Merry Christmas". "Merry Easter" just sounds wrong.
And bunnies. Why bunnies?

But do you know what's more important?!?
Jesus.

I was going to have this whole long post about Lenten reflections, but then it was almost midnight and with only about 30 minutes of Lent left, I figured that it wasn't worth it. I also figured that you've had enough of my vague and deep ramblings. So instead I have something that is in no way vague and is straight to the point; a graph.

 

 

I can't measure the "amount of holiness" inside of me, but from what I can remember, it went something like this. Let's agree to ignore the first 3/4 of it. Now that last week- that was pretty fantastic.

I finally got myself to much-needed confession, was filled to the brim with awesome graces that made me feel finally close to God again, went to mass and stations, prayed, etc. The Triduum was pretty great too. I used to think that I had to be overwhelmed with intense emotions when thinking about anything related to Christ's Passion. But you don't, you just have to be there with Him, hold Him, wait for Him.

 

There's this image I've had in my mind over the past few weeks: walking the road to Calvary with Jesus, picking up my cross every day, and finally being worthy to die and rise with Him. Halfway though Lent, when I found myself not moving forward at all, I thought I wouldn't make it and that I'd be left behind. It wasn't until after He came back for me that I realized that I am and never will be worthy do die with Him. Even Peter, his right hand man, refused to be crucified the same way. It doesn't depend on if I'm worthy or not, it depend on if I'm willing to receive His mercy or not.

 

 

 

Easter, oh Easter. Is there really a certain way you're supposed to feel around Easter time? It's not warm and cozy like Christmas.

 

It's calm. The soft rain trickles onto the pavement. The green grass shoots up its roots inch by inch. The flowers open their buds and the degrees slowly rise. Everything is new.

There's joy. The joy of running into Christ's arms. Even just 3 days without Him is agonizing. His arms around you, relief flowing out of you from His embrace. Silence. Because no words need to be said between you. For my soul, being with Him is enough, and everything else is not enough.

 

 



Giving It Our All

In two weeks it will be Good Friday.
I had to say that a couple times until it sunk in.
Wow.

But it's not over yet!
This is the part of Lent were we've got to get it all we've got.

Once I ran a 5k. Just once (haha actually I've run a couple 5k's but I am in no way a runner). Anyways. I kept a steady pace most of the way. Had a cramp here, had to stop there, but kept going. Towards the end, I sprinted and pushed by body to the furthest it could go (which isn't necessarily very far. Like I said, I'm not a runner). But I ended up in 2nd place.

Now, anyone who has ever pushed themselves too far while running knows what tends to follow. But that's besides the point.

I am one of those people who let's themselves have a little reward on Sundays because going a whole week without whatever you gave up is hard. It should be.
I mentioned this to someone who generally doesn't really agree with Catholicism in general. Which includes not feeling the need to make a Lenten sacrifice. But she told me that I wasn't really getting the point. That if I was going to refuse to do this now but as soon as Sunday morning comes around jump on the opportunity, then it wasn't really a sacrifice.

My first reaction was that she needs to remove the log from her eye before trying to remove the splinter from mine. I see now that just thinking that probably means I'm the one with a log in my eye.
She made me think.

Our priest said in his homily today that we don't have enough time left to radically discipline or change ourselves. All we can do now is look within, into our hearts, and see what God has written there.

Sure, I've been making sacrifices these past 30-something days. I started out pretty strong. I've gotten shaky.
But I have two weeks. You have two weeks. We have two weeks.
Two weeks to suffer and be awesome and give it our all.
To actually take time to pray. To give someone a genuine smile when they're being really annoying. To do more homework when you just want to crawl in bed. To refuse temptations when they're waved in your face. To keep your mouth shut when you want attention or feel the need to be rude or gossip. To do little things with great love.

To see Christ in each person and treat them with the love you'd give to Him.

Jesus didn't enjoy suffering. He didn't necessarily want it. But He did want to save us from our sin. To obey. To love completely. To the end.
"I am troubled now. Yet what should I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'?... when I am lifted up from the earth I will draw everyone to myself."

What I Have to Offer

Hello you lovely people.

I don't believe in making excuses. But towards the end of last quarter I was so mentally drained that I couldn't really do anything but the bare minimum. I was holding on by a thread, counting the hours until Spring Break.

It's very inconvenient how Spring Break always falls right in the middle of Lent. On one hand, we are all in desperate need of some time to just be lazy, and on the other we know that we should be focusing on being penitent and growing in prayer and love for God.

There's no compromise. All or nothing.

But I'm not here to talk about my vacation or whether or not I have been good or bad or whatever.
Earlier today I was reflecting on the past week (which has been a great time) and I started wondering if I could have done more. If I could have gotten up early to pray a rosary instead of sleeping in. If I could have been a little less crazy and a better example. It was really getting to me, actually.

All the possibilities and chances not taken.

Obviously it was too late. I was too late. I had failed.

Often I have to stop myself when I find myself thinking like this and say to myself "Wait. Who exactly have you failed? Who set all these expectations that were not met?"

God doesn't set goals for us. He doesn't say that if we do this or that we'll be rewarded. He doesn't require anything from us. He just wants us.

Over the past few days I've been lost in myself and my experiences, but still I can point out a handful of moments that shine like stars though the darkness of everything the world has to offer. Moments where I offered my heart to God.
Small, instantaneous, and undeniably beautiful.
This is all I have to offer this week, and I know it's not enough, but nothing will ever be enough.

Lent is about the journey, and for me that's 49% me stumbling around and 51% Jesus dragging me back up again.
Sometimes we fall flat on our faces. It just so happens that this is the most humble place you can be, lying at His feet.

He pulls me up, embraces me, and we keep going.

Bring on the Suffering

We've made it guys!!! Finally, the first Sunday of Lent. (a.k.a. time for me to have chocolate and catch up on everything that's been going on in the internet). You'd be surprised what you can miss in less than a week.
Now that we've taken the first step, there's no going back. For me, it hasn't been that painful, which means I'm probably doing something wrong. Anyone can come up with an excuse for anything. I've been inching in, but it's time to jump in headfirst.

Something that I have done these past few days is fasting from music. I know, kind of weird. And considering that the only music I ever listen to is Christian music, there really isn't a need. It's not like I'm listening to all those horrible song lyric and letting them infiltrate my mind. Remember those Benedictine's album I mentioned? That's all I've been listening to. It's such a relief to plug in my headphones and immerse myself in the chanting as I work. And then Sunday comes around and I can enjoy my favorite Jesus Jams even more than I regularly would. The nun's songs are the constant simplicity that I have a feeling will carry me through this Lent.

I know it's lame to talk about the weather but it's the most interesting thing in my life right now. You see, down here in Texas if the temperature drops below 40 and it starts sprinkling, everything within a 100 mile radius shuts down. Completely. The grocery stores are wiped out and all flights are cancelled. I'm only slightly exaggerating. Slightly.
Which means, I don't have school tomorrow! A snow day without snow? We have a lot of those...

So for some encouragement and motivation as we face the first full week of Lent, I have some quotes/bible verses that I think are pretty great.

"As Lent is the time for greater love, listen to Jesus' thirst...'Repent and Believe" Jesus tells us. What are we to repent? Our indifference, our hardness of heart. What are we to believe? Jesus thirsts even now, in your heart and in the poor-- he knows your weakness, He wants only your love, wants only the chance to love you."

-Mother Teresa

 

"The most beautiful act of faith is the one made in darkness, in sacrifice, and with extreme effort."

-Padre Pio

 

"Be careful that your hearts do not become drowsy from the anxieties of this life, and that day catch you by surprise."

-I forgot to write down the verse number oops

 

 

I'm really looking forward to Easter. But even more than that, I'm looking forward to more suffering because more suffering means more love.
To choose all is to give all.